Bearfriends (RIP) Dream a Little Dream Cover

Once upon a time, I had a sweet little band with someone I thought I’d spend my whole life with. It was what it was, and this is what it is; still, I’m proud of the art I and we all made together. Like the other Bearfriends vids, I’m hoping to one day look back at all of these and smile. I took one for the team on this one for sure, I was really sick when we filmed this, having a rough time with the meds I was on, nobody told me there was a dress code (luckily sweet little Hannah brought another dress), and I picked the take where the collective sounded the best, even if I sounded better on other takes… It’s been nice watching Hannah and Nick continue to create and grow; it’s still anxiety-inducing anytime my ex makes any sort of appearance, anywhere, including every nightmare, but I’m here waiting patiently for a day when he makes me feel nothing at all. Patience, they say, “time heals all wounds”—— xo, V

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Once upon a time, I had a beautiful little band called Bearfriends going on with my then-soulmate. We started out as just us two for about 5 years or so, and...

Yosemite to San Francisco Birthday Road Trip 2018

Hi friends, hi future self when I maybe look back on my blogs someday,

Literally finished the adventure vid last night and uploaded today. Honestly, writing the caption for the vid sapped all of my emotional energy, so feel free to read that for all the other feels.

In a perfect world, this blog post would have been finished 6-8 months ago and all would have been well and beautiful. Today would have been just another day like it is now, but in a different format. But sometimes the people you love and trust most on the earth will decide you’re not worth anything to keep in their lives and will just walk away out of the blue. And it’s not fine, but it’s life as a human on this planet for so many people. For some, you’ll never speak again for the remainder of your decades here. For others, maybe fate will realign you. Whatever your path, I hope all involved learn and grow and eventually find whatever (or whoever) they are looking for.

I first prepped this blog (blog prep comes in many waves since I’m so busy LOL) by uploading all the pics a few months shy of a year ago. I remember working on it sitting in bed with my ex while he watched shows. Simple, beautiful, cozy, perfect, reality. I couldn’t have asked for anything more - to me, that balance of energetic adventure and those slow moments at home were everything; they recharged me. Fast forward a few weeks, and I started what was without a doubt the hardest journey I’ve ever faced. I’m still navigating to this day, almost a year out from that disaster.

I’m well worn out of words at the moment. I’ve spent the dimension of 30 cosmoses trapped in my own head and cried my body weight in tears probably ten times over now over the past 12 months. I will leave this video and the photos in their original posted format (aka, inclusive of my ex) as just a small monument to what was and what could have been. What has been, and what will never be.

And never one to leave myself on a totally low note, at least I can joke (though it’s not totes a joke, it’s the damn truth) that whoever I let into my heart in the future will have some badass MF portraits and adventure vids wherever life will lead us.

Take care of yourselves, your health, and your hearts. I love you, and I’m here for you if you ever need someone to lean on. I am an otherworldly amount of thankful for those of you who provided the same for me in any and all capacities when I was at my lowest.

-A

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Y O S E M I T E

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S A N F R A N C I S C O

Bearfriends Promo Shoot || August 2018

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This was the only song we ever got finaled and posted to Spotify. Matthew said it was written about me, and he showed it to me just before he left for Australia for a few months. In total, we made about 5 or 6 finished songs and had about 5 more in the oven from the past 6-ish years of our relationship, but I guess those will melt into the ether along with everything we ever built. shrugs

It was all fun while it lasted. I’m looking forward to working with new people and forming new musical connections soon—getting that ball rolling this summer! :)

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