As my blog posts chug along and I make the journey through all of my adventures and shoots from last year, I still have a few very heartbreaking posts to deliver. This was Matthew and I’s big road trip along Route 66 to Chicago, to Elmhurst where he grew up. I’m choking up even now typing about it, this is not easy. To have had such amazing adventures together, to have grown so much and learned and experienced so many things and to still be made to feel insufficient for someone who for the longest time made me feel like we were it, partners to the end… and to be told out of the blue that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, after 8 amazingly beautiful years, and that his reasons didn’t matter… It’s tough. To have been so quickly and easily replaced as if he never loved me at all, as if none of these things ever happened, as if nothing between us ever mattered… It’s very rough on a person. For anyone reading this who has been following along on my Instagram journey through this heartbreak—you know. I’ve released many emotions and I know I have many, many more to go before I hopefully find peace.
I’m still blown away he would throw everything away instead of really looking deeply inward and giving a decent effort to grow both himself and strengthen an already solid relationship. We all make mistakes, but this one has caused so much misery and depression, chaos and confusion, and has massively changed me as a person in ways even still yet to be seen.
I hope to someday be able to look fondly upon these blog posts as such a wonderful experience but I can’t even scroll through this blog that I prepared months and months ago right now. It hurts.
