Hi friends, hi future self when I maybe look back on my blogs someday,
Literally finished the adventure vid last night and uploaded today. Honestly, writing the caption for the vid sapped all of my emotional energy, so feel free to read that for all the other feels.
In a perfect world, this blog post would have been finished 6-8 months ago and all would have been well and beautiful. Today would have been just another day like it is now, but in a different format. But sometimes the people you love and trust most on the earth will decide you’re not worth anything to keep in their lives and will just walk away out of the blue. And it’s not fine, but it’s life as a human on this planet for so many people. For some, you’ll never speak again for the remainder of your decades here. For others, maybe fate will realign you. Whatever your path, I hope all involved learn and grow and eventually find whatever (or whoever) they are looking for.
I first prepped this blog (blog prep comes in many waves since I’m so busy LOL) by uploading all the pics a few months shy of a year ago. I remember working on it sitting in bed with my ex while he watched shows. Simple, beautiful, cozy, perfect, reality. I couldn’t have asked for anything more - to me, that balance of energetic adventure and those slow moments at home were everything; they recharged me. Fast forward a few weeks, and I started what was without a doubt the hardest journey I’ve ever faced. I’m still navigating to this day, almost a year out from that disaster.
I’m well worn out of words at the moment. I’ve spent the dimension of 30 cosmoses trapped in my own head and cried my body weight in tears probably ten times over now over the past 12 months. I will leave this video and the photos in their original posted format (aka, inclusive of my ex) as just a small monument to what was and what could have been. What has been, and what will never be.
And never one to leave myself on a totally low note, at least I can joke (though it’s not totes a joke, it’s the damn truth) that whoever I let into my heart in the future will have some badass MF portraits and adventure vids wherever life will lead us.
Take care of yourselves, your health, and your hearts. I love you, and I’m here for you if you ever need someone to lean on. I am an otherworldly amount of thankful for those of you who provided the same for me in any and all capacities when I was at my lowest.
-A
